kiwi mucH!!

Well,Ive been here in Kiwi Land for almost a week and I just finished unpacking my bag.Wanna know why?Cos all dis while,I didnt think I could fit in.Not to say that Auckland isnt amazing,trust me it is more than anything I could have imagined.I imagined myself having an awful time here but all the while I have actually been here they were quite fun.Like fuN!!the people are really friendly(they dont really glare at you quite so much here)-they dont push and the weather is absolutely nice-its cool and not too cold(though i do need more layer of clothing in my own opinioN).Yeah,back to the topic,I didnt think I could fit in.The people didnt seem to understand me,I'm short and to top it all off I was petrified at the thought of being new again.Having to learn the ways of things are not my biggest attributes.I suck at it.All this mingling and learning poeple's name and stuff.Yeah suck at it big times.But me and Lala went to this thing tonight that made me realize.Every one in Auckland(the new students aneway) are doing the exact same thing as me.Having to get to know people,having to get reintroduced,having to worry about whetehr theyre fun eunf or cool enuf or whatsoever.I mean I didnt think I was understandable but there were worse.So for now,I take a huge deep breathe and say I am going to move on.My resolution for today,Make everyday count.Ive struggled and studied like crazy and climbed down a really tall wall for this so I'm making it worthwhile.So to Lala,thank you for making me realize this and to more years of understanding and new beginnings.

p/S:me and Lala won second place at quiz night.So yes,am parading it around the net.Lol.

Shahrukh kHan and lugagge!!

My six months holiday is coming to an end.in two days I will be once more enslaved to knowledge (not that iTs boring and aLL-dont get me wrong,i lovEEE what I:m doing-I wont change a thing) bt when you've been used to lounging around the house in your jammies 24 hours a day your brain kinda gets all mushy and gooey and you dont really see going to classes as a godsent.like hell it's not.TO keep my minda of the parting sorrow of my indolence(i dooooooooooont wanT!!!),I gladly accepted M's invite to sunway pyramid to go watch a movie and fry more of my brain cells(you want eggs with that-heeeee-Im funnY),technically I wanted to go out and I wanted to do sometin other than feel disgruntled over my ending indolence(that word is catchy-say it a 100 times with me!dunt u feel happier?-if u dont-go to a fun dr,get some happY pills-u fun popper-lololol) so we did!!



I have to tell you this b4 you get lost in my ramblings-me n M went out like last week with Farah(our darling friends-M had such a hard time with our names since she calls both of us 'Fa',confusion mucH) to that said venue(pyramid lorh) and we saw tis stripey bag,cute seyH and more importantly affordable so M had this idea to buy her luggage for AustraLia there since she was smitten.The catch is that we didnt know what shop it ws,we just knew that the bag is displayed in fronT.We being the smart galsw naturallY r decided to just hentam kromo and go mindlessly around in hope of finding it so we did.And we didnt find it!!LOL.we spent countless hours going from a luggage shop to anoter.fun fun fun.Here's more fun,after hours of walking around in circles and bedazzled by the sheer size of pyramid* we nearly gave up when we decided to just go look at a bag and see if M might like any of it to replace that stripey bag thats set not to make an appearance-so went back in to the first shop-te cuir bag shop or something and lo and behold while fondling aorund the selection of fine bags-VOILA there it ws-de infamoust stripey baG!!! hidden at the back.Now dear readers,If you were in our place-looking for hours for tat bag but ironically it was in the first shop you went in-do you

a) scream and put a paper bag over your head
b)hyperventilate and start to meracau
c)or check the bag out find out that it was small and not big enough for your educational needs(for your overseas education of course) and than buy another beg instead!!!

Well done to those who chose c) .For those we didnt-I suggest a therapist.But all in all,It was victorious in two ways

1) We found an actual traveling bag for M-and it ws gorgeous!!!
2) I got my mind oF langkawi for a few hours
So all's well tat ends well.MOst importantly,I had tonnes of fun..And a round of applause to M yg menonton her first ever cerita hindustan in the cinemas (i did kinda force her into it bt i swear there was no violence just a few death or life threatening threats.)Kudos to the filmmaker(aditya cHopra) who did the film.I havent seen a bollywood movie that is squeky clean-no vulgar language,no atrocious outfit and no over the top acting-in a long2 time.And to amazing king kHan-He just made me smile all day-ask M.sHe's a witness..hmm,wonder if we need a smiles witness protection program.hee--
like raJ kapoor said
'Phir milenge chalte chalt-haule2'

*I'm so gonna miss M ,my siamese attached twin since I wont b seeing her for a month.LOts of love to Ya.muahXXX

dinner dasH!!

Out with me friends.These lot Ive known for like forever,in technical term nearing 8 years.All of us r kinda far2 apart from each other yet theyre still my sister (and brothers) from another motherHahaha(i think that ws funnY.NO?pretend to laugh aneways,pretty pliZZ).Had a blast of a time.We kinda do this ritual thing,go for a dinner at some fancy place,dress up and fight over the bill later on.lolLol..as zati said,we shud have brought the calculator lorh.I actually drove at night!!So wohoo for me!!Let me tell you that I rock(vain moment-bear with me) and we saw azfar for the first time with his chipped tooth,he actually looked adorable iN a painfuL way(he kinda had an incident where he collapsed in the toilet and woke uP to two broken teeth and a whole pool of blood!gore much dude.buT azfar being azfar ws totally cool with it- i would literally hide in a locked up tower till my teeth is fixed so he;s kinda like braveheart -to speedy recoverY!).And to me frens,to the toast we didnt quite sempat buat(so much talking at the same time-God damn it we're loud)!!!

To friendshiP
To us

LOve love love

I was reading thru my blog and I just realized I NEVER actually tell people what my everyday activity is actually like.In my opinion,it creates a lure of mystery,tp my sister was like"y do have a blog if the only thing you write about is basically just stuff running through ur head"-so baekla nad(drama queen mucH),i'll try writing more about my everyday boring life..Dont snooze off just yeT.I;m not done.Was yming with ppL,and jason asked me to go check out his blog(my pictures were posted-well,technically so was anisah's and kara's and cat's and every other kms person,but stiLL>>>>) aneways.I just realized that kms ws actually kind of fUN!And it wasnt the sort of fun yg cam the place itself is fun(yeah...kms..fuN...noT) but the people innit.so here's a couple of shoutout to the ppL that made Kms amazing..

1)honeY,anisaH and haJar
-honestly,these three r like my guardian angel.I mean they r seriously responsible for me turning out just fine and not losing any limbs in the process..
Hani's line of duty
-kejut aku bangun tido whether pagi2 or klas pTG
-kejut bgn mkN( i sleep aloT.yes!)
-tman makan-pose ke,lapar ke,midnight snacks ke(die la tukang tmaN.do not be fooled by her size-she has a healTHy appetite..i repeat heaLTHY.)...hehe
-she kinda keeps me in check,salah ke betuL ke..and she's another virtuaL roommate..heHe..
-and she takes care of me,pape poN hani wiLL correct.superFriend..serioUslY!



Hajar dan Anisah
>they helped me out in so many ways,I cant thank them enough
-my workout buddies-they;d go exercise with me anytime,tennnis ke ,paula abdul workout or just jogging(ingat x abng windbreaker-miss him so!!)
-they force me to actually study,i literally do have a bad study habit so tehyre there to remind me that I have to work hard and that I can do it-which proved to b true)
-the two plus Hana actually walked barefoot with me inside subang parade (my shoe obviously had to totally dismantle there and theN) tho ppL were literally gawking...soooooooooooo sweet.
-theyre like my stepmoms-garang and very menakutkan at times but i loveeeeeeeeeee them to death and i THink they kind of adore me at times(i'm just naturally adorable.lololololo)..hehe.am not kidding when I say I'll miss u guys like hell.enjoY wellington for me will yoU.

2)fana dan MuniraH
-my virtual roommates-theyre not really technically my roommate-if its so important to b tchnical- but i do spend like half of my time in their room( I'm surprised that they at times dont just slam the door in my face or just pretend like they;re not in the room to get me to leave)
-again,I basically do everytHing with them-exercise(yoga session kan Fana?),makan(anisah's rice cooker contribution deserve an award all by itself) and sesi gossip -spT biase..hehe
-me and fana also came to a mutual understanding-i bear with her korean/japanese/chinese stuff and she bears wth my bollywood/atiF aslam(yes i know he;s gay) obsession.quite an understanding-





3)my roommates(yat dan sare)
-we really r quite different tp we ok jerk steady till the end..2 tahn duk same2 and I had a blast with em.Bnyk jugak la incident yg boleh membawa mereke ke arah kepsychoan( due to yours trulY) tp they waddled thru..the kucing beranak dlm locker incident-for example La..heeeeeeeeee.......u guys will always be the best roommates(technicallY cos i never had a roommate b4 and that I;m getting a single room in auckland!HOHO) like literally ever!!

4) My teslian crew
-diorng sgt sabar ngan all my crazy whacked up ideas-de bisexual theory and sometimes my know it all attitude(if you ave not heard of my theory u do not know me at all!!)
-I could express myself freely without judgements dlm klas.class ws never just boriNG-how can it b boring with hana n hajar in IT(ultimate compliment!!)
-kpd teslians juge,i call for a moment to remember the hillarious(top five funny moment in class) incident where ade lipas got into dzafarin;s pants-god,that was bloody funtastic!


5)The vice members
-kara,hajar,anisah,ben,ikram,jamil,syafiq,caT,james,sYa and me...
-time always fly when we talk and talk and talk and plan and plan and pLan
-also cheers for the discovery of my peak smart Hour-rupe2nye I'm smartest at 4 in the morninG!lol-theory semate mate tHO
-we'll always have the best memory of the no firework but still a merdeka celebration trip we went on(so much for pulau perhentian,and pd,and putrajaya and gentINg and a million other places---)-countdowns were never that much fun before U gUYs..cheesy much..i know..



So all in all,Kms was bloody well fantastic.
In memories of times in KMs
X0x0x0x0x0x

excuse ME!

I just read My last post and I sound a teeny bit loony so just ignore de post will Ya..i would have deleted it but I did actually like it so I'm just gonna keep it posted till my hormone;s all staBle.LOL

Why I'm stumped..

For all those who has remotely ever seen me before,my physical attributes are not so attractive.Yes,i admit it.I was morbidly obese and I was stuck in that condition for years.When I was a child,i Was merely chubby( i was literally cute and adorable) bt as years past by,more pounds just clinged on to me for dear life.My mom(who I know is right) keep telling me,long you should watch your weight,you;re young and yOu have a whole life ahead of you but me being as stubborn as an ass(i weighed like an ass too!),I bluntly refused.This is my weight problem and no one should tell me what I should and should not do.So my school times passed on with me being a social retard since I:m fat and well useless.I;ve never quite told anyone this but even my own friends thought i was slow and lazy And I wasnt,That was seriously a betrayal beyond belief.MY cikgu seni when i was in f5 was was like godsent and she would let us seniors hang out at her art studio if we want to skip classes in exchange for some help and we did but i Vividly remember her saying,farah,x payah la tolong.biar ....(let them not be named ) tolong,diorng rajin skit.I wouldnt be so disgruntled if indeed I was a lazy cow on my chair,calling my movements to find a comfortable position 'work' than by all means say that to me,but I was not.Honest.I worked hard,even more than those skinny girls yet you think they;d notice .no.the skinny girls get the recognition.Yes i was slower in movements and didnt float about the air like the skinny ones when they walk but I will not be called lazy,not when Idont deserve to.I know you ppl will be saying wats the point of this blog,get to your motives you sloww ass..Im gettin to it.My fantasy as a fat girl,is to be thin.To be in this euphoriac state of happiness when I;m thinner.MY dreams will all come true.My prince charming and my life will just fall into place.NO more feeling insecure,no more feeling unworthy.And i held on to that fantasy for dear life.But life isnt all black and white right.I am now a little smaller.MY accumulated weight loss is nearing 20 kgs but surprise2 I miss being fat.At first,I was in a stage of euphoria,I could fit into clothes i could just dream about b4.PPl complimented me and so on.But today,I"m stumped.

I realize today that I can never be picture perfect.That my fantasy will not come ture.Im thinner but Im not happier.Im constantly questioning as to y im still not attractive.The older me wud have just said ,alah fa,ur fat.no one;s looking at you but the new me is still as unhappy as ever..I dont know what im really trying to say.But all i know is I miss being fat.Atleast I knew under all det layer my true self is there,ppl might jeer and sneer but I still am me.My life is full of dissattisfaction.I dont know whether its because Of my fantasy or whther I just havent found the new me yet.I do hope i find her soon tho cos I really miss the old me..

P/s.I dunt know what im writing here.All i know is tat being thinner doesnt solve any of my problems like i thot it wud...tat sucks ..i know!

ten things i love about rayE!!

TEn things I love aboUT raYE!!

>de fooD
>de festivity
>Duit rayE!!-the wave of genuine gratitude for xtra moneY-even two bucks contributes in my dream oF a shopping xtravaganzA!
>how familY comes together on raya daY-the ppl u lUv all around you
>how forgiving we cn be those who've done wrong during this month-we learn to b a better daughter,friend ,sister or just a better person*
>it gives u a solid excuse to dress up and look nice.sape kate utk orng.there's this thig called self satisfactioN..
>yoU can drop by anyone;s house and they wont turn yoU down..x baek kalau halau orng bulan2 baek ni!
>you get to wear heels..i mean dets de best thing for baju kurung..i vouch for its validity...tip,dunt wear heels on soft grOunds,u;d sink-seriouslY...its not funny if ur waddling around trying to pull urself out of the sucking mud!!scarY gLer*
>I get to write y i Love raye>>>

P/S:i know ppl ,me included sometimes r so absorbed with kumpuling duit raye,and all the glOry that comes with eid..i propose that tis raye -look around u-and thank god(ALHAMDULILLAH) that youre around the ppl you love-eid is a month of victory and what is victory if you have no one to share it with*

Happy Eid Mubarak
Seamat Hari raYa~~