Saturday, February 19, 2011

I havent written in this blog for ages and the reason is because i felt no need to express my thoughts and ideas.i talk too much aredy so putting words into writing just seems like tedious work.but today I feel like I am stuck in this box of silence where talking about it to friends-even those closest to you is absolutely whiny and this topic I could not speak of without dropping a tear.I;m a drama queen and I do not want to tarnish my grandfather's eulogy by breaking down and crying infront of ppl.I want to be those people to think I'm one brave soldier putting on a strong solid tears no snot.but I cant.I want to vent.I want to talk about my grandfather.I want people to listen or in this case to read about him.To honor him even in this small little way.My own way of remembering him.We humans forget and that's the best healing power for the heart.Something that god has geniusly thought of while creating us.Another proof of his unbounded power.But sometimes you just want to be reminded of things dear to you.

While I continue this,let it be known that my hands are shaking and my heart is pounding.My friend is sleeping literally beside me and yet she has no idea as to what I'm going through.I sound so dramatic right now but a million emotions are going through my head.

My grandfather passed away at the age of 90.Many will nod their head and say,old age. Atleast he had a chance to really live and to that I cannot deny.He lived through the Japanese invasion of Malaya,sweet sweet independence the 1970s hippie era and even the crazy 21st century.He must have had a million stories to tell but I could never understand him.His regional klate accent was too thick and I could never seem to bother.I do remember listening to him talk about the Japanese and how he needed to peel the coconuts for the Japs.How he hated certain people and certain ideas.He was certainly passionate.Passionate about what he believed and I know from my mom that if he said one thing,that was it.That's truth.In reflection,my mom and I are alike in that way.To think that it took death for me to figure it out.

He was a great man my grandfather,Everyone would say that about their grandparents but truth is I dont have comparison.I never met and dont have the slightest recollection of my other grandparents so he was it.He was my extended relation.I never talk to him since we cant seem to understand each other.Literally.But every time he spoke to me and I nod and smile listening to him talk,I would always get one huge smile back.One huge toothless smile from him.And for that I hope I remember forever.

with all honesty.I don't think of him all the time and I never know him well,other than my mom's stories of him and his discpline.How she would come home late and face such severe scoldings.How he would work hard with wife to feed their 6 children.How he would teach mengaji petang2 on the steps of his house and how much he loved his family.With all these memories I hope I carve him in my thoughts.

My mixed bag of emotion.I;m sad because I lost a person integral to my life,to my family.I'm remorseful because Im here while everyone is saying goodbye one last time but I'm also elated because I know that he's gone to a better place.Where InsyaAllah he is young and getting ready to meet his maker.And for that,this post is my own personal goodbye.
Ya Allah,aku memohon kepadamu tuhan yang maha pemurah lagi maha adil.Ampunilah dosa atukku,kesalahannya walau sebesar kuman dan persenangkanlah perjalanannya.Terimalah taubat dan amalan2nya.Amin....

Friday, January 21, 2011

halo all
i am just putting random thoughts into this virtual page where no human being actually reads pon.

In all honesty I know i'm boring but my egoistic self is very certain that someone might be bored enough to look through the internet and browse each boring blog thoroughly and accidentally excavate my piece of writing and find it worth a look.

I'm not an interesting person and I'm not the best at conversation thus this really very dry entry into my blog but i suddenly feel a need to vent and I can totally trust this page of being safe from people who could ridicule me to oblivion so here I am still typing furiously into my laptop.

and as soon as i wrote that down I realize i have nothing else to say.Maybe i'll continue this rant tomorrow

right now i m going to listen to my endless supply of glee songs.

they make me ecstatic..

goodnite y'alL

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Tak sangka dalam mase sekelip mata bulan puasa dh dtg melawat kembali.Again I meet my favourite month of the year and to Ramadhan I say 'Ahlan Wasahlan'.I love Ramadhan for many different reason.

I love it because it has the potential of being a month that provides me food.LOts and lots of food.

I love it because it brings back the best memory I have.My best childhood moments were in Ramadhan.Terawikh ngan Kak ama.Bukak pose kat masjid ngan mummy and nad.

Now that I'm all grown up(hahahhahaha) I love Ramadhan for two very different reason.

I love Ramadhan because I now know what ukhwah means.What it means when you have sisterly bond thats not because of blood.Me n Nad,we never can get along quite well.Maybe its the age difference,maybe its just me being bekeng and she being really rebellious about the way i treat her mase kecik.BUt here in Auckland,MashaAllah the love I feel,I cannot even start to describe.

I also love Ramadhan now because its a platform.Its a way to get me near to Allah.I mean,yes,start puking now.Farah dah seriously lost it.I can just imagine people saying this sentence when I tell them.Rolling their eyes.Gone.Gone.She;s gone all hypocritical on us.

Well,so what.I've been fighting this whole hypocrite feeling I have in my head every single day .I I'm a hypocrite.Bile I dengan de 'akak's I feel that I wanna do good but when I ngan my other frens,I laugh,I jump I swear like a plumber and I feel goood.Well,this is where Ramadhan comes and play a role.This is the month where I know Allah's given me the 22nd chance at Iman.A chance at 'Taqwa'.

Yesterday,dengar Kak nana bg tazkirah.die kate siape yg buat2 baik depan kawan2 yg buat bek and buat jahat bile they turn their back is munafik.I recoiled at that word.Ya Allah.Aku golongan tu ke?I'm the enemey in de selimut?Here let me tell u I was shaking.Shaking at the thought that maybe smue ibadah yg I buat,smue x diterime.HOw am I supposed to know that I didnt do it because I was being riak.Baca Quran,mathurat tu semua?Wud i Really be doing it kalau i duduk sorang on an Island tanpe orang.How honest are my payers and my recitations?How honest am I with Allah?

I love Ramadhan because of one other reason.

It reminds me that Allah sees everything.Everthing.He knows the deepest deepest darkest secret you have.Everything you are.So a very big reminder to self.Fight that feeling yg u nk buat bek bile u dgn orang bek jer.REmind urself that U xkan dihisab dlm groups when u dekat Padang Mahsyar.There's not gonna be a 5 orang beriman so one bad fren gets to go the heaven discount.So here I angkat tangan and berdoa that this 22nd chance I get in Ramadhan I use the best I can.
Pray for me will yOU?

Yours honestly,

Farah humbled Hani.


Friday, January 8, 2010

bloggy land

seriously.i like this blog.i like writing and i have loved writing and expressing feeling since i was a like a fetus or something.therefore it really is very sad that the only form of emotional chanel that i can put to use is this blog yet i fail to use it fullY.therefore new year resolution to write more in the blog.

happY new year to y'all year has been kick ass.not.its normal as usual.on good side,my cooking skills are more sharpened thanks to maid duty i do twice a day.however its still never going to be served for those without matching gens.gross thing happened todaY.nearly swallowed a fly that was in somebody's left milo.hell,it was kind of my fault but god was that horrible.i was like so close to chewing it and just letting it pass my trakea-god,even after all the brushing and the mouth rinse i use,and all the unsuccesful gag tries-i feel the fly still left like some gross dirty bacteria in my mouth that can only be cleaned if bleach is used.

however,it may come as a surprise to many ppl(or it mite not) that i have tried far worse and grosser food staples in my life.lets review my top two grossest food ive eaten

1.chicken head.yep.i time,enjoying indonesian rendang and cudnt see which part of the chicken the meat came from since theyre basically covered in gravy so just went on to eat and eat the food till i felt something pop in my mouth and everything became a bit gelled.immediately spitted it out(who cares about manners then when u felt goo in ur mouth) and saw that it was an eye ball.a black eyeball which was now inflated with its liquid mixed with rice and gravy that i have chewed put me of chicken rendang for like atleast a year.

2.goat's testicles(balls)
this one is courtesy of my moM.apparently some folk lore said that to stop siblings from fighting(and owh,me n my sibs fought a lot-punches fly every 5 second),give them a serving of testicle and she tried it.the worst part was that she had to trick us into eating it.i mean no daughter or son in their right mind would volunterily eat that with consent.she cut the tescticles to look like squid pieces and told us all that it was some fancy deep sea squids that she bought especially for us.and we all,being squabblers of course fought over who got to eat only do i understand the smirk my moM and dad had while watching us eat those boy goat didnt really make us love each other instantly,but it does scare us into being nicer to each other when in front of my mom since you never know when she decides that its time to try the recipe again and slip into our food with another delicacy claiM^^^

yeah.thats it queen gross
maybe i'll try a grasshopper next time which my dad swears is delicious and is as good as chicken meat which i very much doubt

till next time
on the next mission to accidentally eat more vile food

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

spring oH spring

Finally finished with all the assIgnments and all the test before the final doom exam daY!!!but i have atleast 2 weeks to think about that so lets tOHoK (throw) it jauh2 for now..a bit jittery cos i seriously think i now have a wicked bout of insomnia or I'd like it xleh tido nyaYa..huhu..yes,I cannot for the life of me sleep.dh brape lame i've passed of meagre closed eye time for sleep .hopefully with everything behind me>i can focus on getting some beauty sleep cos im lOOking like a witch with like Boring black drab clothes for most time.lets recap whats new this past few non blog writing moments eYH...well,balek malaysia time is coming to a near so im all excited.i really am a boring person.nothing ever happens to me...owh wait something did

yesterday,had this crazy cravings for jewel of india's butter chicken.for those who dont know.its our campus solution to kedai mamak tho its expensive as hell and I dont thnk the ppl there wud tolerate being called anei,LOL..aneways,i bought mua looovely butter chicken and was all xcited about it.even had the guts to mintak kuah lbih tu de server girl...owh thou beauty.May I have a little more porton of thoU delicious heaven made gravy and she did..ay maiden-i give You jumping with joy i I did and headed towards this brick building i call home..i cud just imagine -food-youtube-aNtm-perfect match..i reached de gf and what did i see-the neighbour i have had for the past year who i really have nothing to say too so wanted to just rush into the lift without having to make like really awkward small talk and i did.but the lift was going to cognitive thinking which is in Par with like the dumbest blonde in the world shouted silently in my head "tahan tahan lift" so i dgn pandai nye menghulur my beautiful butter chicken and the lift -the lift-the lift-crushed penyet sebelah.and my hand was like inches away from the beautiful2 gravy was like mengalir turun and a few ktol nasi fell on the floor.yes-the unbearable humiliation I had to endure.hani swore to me that one guy actually terlopong tgK..after somebody was kind enuf to react tO the event-since i was not functioning at any point in that into the lift and quickly ran into my shame shelter.

I just have this thing with me.I'm clumsy.and i know that ppl think i'm just like self fulfilling my prophecy and i really aM not clumsy but just be around me for a few weeks ,be around me for 24 hours and u will know that i put the clum in clumsy...whatever that is..hauahahahhaha...

okeyh,will try to get a third attempt at sleep.wish me luck eyh...really really need it or mite just start breaking down crying for no reason.god,sleep is so important.

owh,and de start of de summer is so annoying..i being de very suke glap person hates the fact that there's like a lot more sunlight now.its like trang benderang at 6 and i despise light when I need sleep...hUHUHU

cranky clumsy

Fafa Hani

Thursday, October 8, 2009

kemalasan melampaU^^

i know that this topic is something that is such a cliche of a topic when it comes to studenst that as soon as anyone sees this topic,they'll say-whether outloud or in their head-elO,hang ingat hang sorang ke malas.aku pon malas tp xde la writing pasal it-hehe.well,i'm sorry but writing about it makes me feel guilty as to why im so freaking lazy and remind myself that i need to start kicking my own lazy butt and start working on the educ 113 assignmenta nd langteach101 essay but i have verY good reason for not working on it and putting all my frenzied caught up feeling in this blOg instead.I am stuck^^ as in in deep s**t and God only knows how I'm ever gonna finish these assignments.doubting my potential or even future abilities as a teacher if i cant even make out what langteach is all about.i mean its 101 for goodness sake.can it get any more basic.maybe i'll b one of those dysfunctional teachers yg cam teach from the text literally teach from the text book.

situation in class

teacher fafa masuk class
"good morning ms farah"
duduk duduk-erm jap,ape ek dlm bahase inggeris-ha sit on your chair sit sit
thank you teacher
thank you too murid2
okey today we do some grame la ek.take text book and open page 3..yes yes
okey so can everybody do de whole page.when nk abes time u mark ur partners work
if any problem you ask your frens ek.i am teaching u self autonomy-penting budak2 blajar sendiri.arite-okey..very good

then moves to teacher table
start taking out leaflets and ads
"eih,before u stat ur work ek.ade x anyone nk give anything to mummy diorng mader's day ni.come come.i got new catalogue.tupperware,avon.but no hutang2 only"

Huhuhu...very scary thought.oooo..oooo..makes me wanna go study .see,told you it helps to talk about u being malas..
till then

ms lazy pants faFa

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Three days till raye and the raye frenzy is kicking in full gear.the frenzy here does not and will never refer to the excitement of nk beraye kat perantauan but the utter despair and gut wrenching sickness in the pit of my stomach That i have everytime anything reminds me that i will not be with my family raye ni-skyped ngan umi xdi and bertambah lah lg ke frenzian kpale ku.saw umi and nad's batch of kueh raye-looked pretty good but made umi janji yg die xkan buat kueh arab until I balek-so basically it'll be kueh arab utk raye haJI..lOL..a hillarious rmedy to my yearning for home is kisah nad and her so called biskut raye aspirations-

for those who do not know who nad is -she is my annoying yet tolerable sister-nadiah hani bnt hussein-used to call her nerd tp she was annoyed so I changed It to nad tho i cud have come with a btter nickname-nadiyot,yot

tahun ni sempena ketiadaan I kat umah tu and no one to boss her around she got the idea that it wud be fantastic to buat kueh raye sorang2-me n my mom can never trust her cookIng ways so she decided to buat chocalate chip cookies without my mom's hawk mom bangun dr a nap and saw her working on the cookie dough gune resipi kawn bek die-sO she did-and everyone else was like wow-nad-ur actually not hopeless.or so they thought(my famly is so easy to believe in change especially when it comes to nadiah changing, I for one am not>>lol)

aneways,bile balek trawekh,my sibs and parents pon dgn excited nye mengtry all de cookies dey made tengah haritu and when it came to nad's biscuit,bee was really tamak and took two.stuffed it in his mouth and spat it back"erm,kueh masen ke nI?"angah who didnt believe bee took a bite and spat it with more rigour and so did mY parents-lol,de red faced nad said"achik ltak 3 table spooon salt jer" and they started laughing at her-lol...dear gullible sister-u dont put three spoon of salt in a cookie batch-i guess she must have messed it uP with three pinch or sumthing>so now we have three balang of choc chip cookies that no one will touch-well done nad-wish I was there tho-its not quite sO fun laughing at her thru skYpe.loL.

its all for now i guess,kna g siap nk bukak pose kat suriani since we ran out of ayam and beras-two main things for any malaysian meaL..hehe..till then.
and before i forget >>slamat ari raye maaaf zahir batIN to anyone and everyone reading


ms evILLL
farah fafa hanI